I put off calling the funeral home about mom's ashes. I wanted to remember her at her home working in her garden; enjoying cooking and doing the many things she loved. I wish I were 1/2 the woman she was. She was a wonderful mother, caregiver, grandmother, great grandmother, wife, sister, friend and her sense of humor got us all through the difficult times of our lives.
Finally, I called the funeral home yesterday and asked if mom's ashes were ready to be picked up. I was told they were ready, so today I sucked it up and got ready to go. I felt such a heaviness on me as though picking up the ashes meant she was gone for good; however, I know she is just in another place and I'll see her again someday. Not a fantasy but a fact I'm certain of. I whispered to the voice on the other end of the phone connection that I would come tomorrow to pick up the ashes.
Tomorrow came! I couldn't get started. Finally I called and told Marilyn at the funeral home I would be there before she left for lunch at 12:30 p.m. I arrived at noon. I paid the extra money on the obituary because I was rather wordy with the obituary (could have written a book about her). I was handed the death certificates, and then mom's ashes. I held them close to my chest. I had been tearful in my memories all the way to the funeral home, but now I stood there with the finality of it. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. My precious mom was in this urn. On the way home, I talked to my mom, I played a Tony Bennett CD for me and her, and I knew she was smiling at me and wishing we could twirl around the room one more time. Once upon a Time was one of the songs on the CD and it reminded me of mom and dad and their young love. It brought some type of peace knowing they were both frolicking in Heaven enjoying whatever Heaven has in store for us.
I looked at the death certificate. The cause of death, Myocardial Infarction. I brought mom's ashes inside the house, hugging the urn to my chest. I stepped onto the front porch with the urn in my arms. Chick was busy working on the shrubs and didn't hear me arrive. I said, "Chick, mom says hello!" He said, "Hello mom." As a family we will place her ashes and dad's in the ground and remember them as they once were. For now I am honored to have my mom's ashes with me.
So after all her pain it turned out her heart was the one thing that had an underlying issue that took her from us. She undoubtedly lives in all of us. I see her in the mirror sometimes. Her giggle was priceless. It tortures me to not be able to drive by their house to see them, especially since I have been in McKinney so much the last month. Someday we will all have so much to talk about, and meet relatives who may have preceeded us before out births, etc. I would love to meet both of their parents as only Grandma Green do I have a vague memory of and I always take the baby blanket she made me with me when we move somewhere else. I keep it sacred along with some coins I collect and other odds and ends. Its just the neatest blanket to me.
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